Gaslighting can wear people down and hide its cumulative effects until it’s almost too late and the damage is done
Gaslighting in the workplace is a serious problem that can damage an individual’s professional accomplishments, career prospects, and mental health.
More than one-half of workers say that they have experienced gaslighting at work, according to a poll of 3,033 people by U.K.-based HR software and services provider MHR.
Identifying gaslighting and putting a stop to it can be key to preventing a toxic environment in the workplace. So, what is gaslighting and how can it be prevented?
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What is considered gaslighting at work?
The term “gaslighting” is commonly used to describe circumstances where someone intentionally makes someone else question their perception of events through lies and manipulation. It’s a way for an individual to gain power and control over someone else in order to elevate themselves over the other person.
The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight. In that film, Ingrid Bergman’s character, Paula Alquist, starts to doubt her sanity as her husband manipulates her into thinking that what she perceives isn’t real.
Similarly, gaslighting in the workplace is likely to be perpetrated for the purposes of undermining and invalidating an individual so someone else can gain an advantage — perhaps a co-worker or boss invalidates what they know is true and makes them question their ability and job performance, potentially damaging their confidence, productivity, and ultimately their career advancement.
It can also involve someone trying to shift the blame for something, and trying to get that person to believe it, perhaps to cover up the gaslighter’s own misconduct. It can be subtle rather than blatant, such as omitting information, changing rules, not inviting someone to a meeting.
Gaslighting at work can feature repeated behaviour over a period of time, wearing people down and hiding its cumulative effects until it’s almost too late and the damage is done.
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What are some examples of gaslighting at work?
Gaslighters can be co-workers or managers. Some examples of gaslighting behaviour that could happen in the workplace are:
• Sabotaging a person’s effort or performance by lying about not receiving a document or assignment when it was sent on time.
• A boss making a promise to address an issue of concern and then ignoring it.
• Spying on a colleague, accessing their accounts and files, and saying that they’re imagining it.
• Turning harassment, discrimination or bullying complaints against someone. A boss could threaten to fire or discipline an employee for insubordination if they complain.
• Telling someone directly and others behind their back that they’re crazy or incompetent or making up false negative characteristics about someone.
• If you confront them about their comments or behaviour, they downplay or deny them and make you apologize for bringing it up. They lash out with anger or insults, making you feel like you shouldn’t have said anything or are acting irrational.
• Disputing the perception of a co-worker’s behaviour.
• Verbally attacking an employee’s family or others who are important to them.
• Making negative, racist, or sexist comments when no one else is around so they can’t prove it, and then criticizing others who make similar comments.
• Keeping an employees off-balance and confused with outright lies that may not even make sense, interspersed with occasional positive comments in order to make them further doubt their perception, particularly if they think the person is catching on to them.
How can you tell if a coworker is gaslighting someone?
Certain gaslighting behaviours described above can be obvious, but some can be subtle and difficult to detect, especially if a person is a victim of gaslighting and the gaslighter is succeeding in making them doubt themselves. If an employee suspects someone is gaslighting them, they should keep an eye out for certain indications such as:
• Evidence of unexplained logins to devices and accounts.
• Items on their desk or workstation are moved, or they disappear and then reappear.
• Files or paperwork disappear.
• A co-worker or boss tries to isolate them from others.
• Someone says they’re crazy and lack credibility.
• Microaggressions related to race, sex, or other human rights grounds.
• The gaslighter tries to recruit others against them and they feel ganged up against.
• The boss sets them up for failure with impossible assignments or deadlines.
• Changing interpretations of company policies by the boss, such as agreeing to flexible work hours or coming in late but then chastizing them for being late.
• They’re left off the invitation list for team meetings or the email list for matters that involve them.
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What should be done when someone is gaslighting an employee?
When someone is gaslighting an employee, they’re trying to uproot their anchor in reality, question their perceptions, and doubt themself. It’s important for them to stay grounded, reinforce their reality, and trust themself. Documentation is key, including dates, times, people involved, and any other important details, especially if it pertains to disciplinary or performance matters.
HR professionals should educate themselves on gaslighting techniques so they can identify them when they’re being used, and, again, document them. If possible, employees should tell someone else they trust about it for perspective and advice, as well as potentially serving as a witness backing them up.
Gaslighting could also be considered workplace bullying and harassment, which employers have legal obligations to protect employees from, whether it’s physical abuse or emotional abuse. HR should know the legal rights regarding harassment and bullying under employment standards legislation, human rights legislation, and health and safety legislation.
In many cases, it’s not advisable to confront the gaslighter directly. Ideally, it should be done with someone else as a witness, and document everything.
Above all else, people shouldn’t ignore their feelings. Gaslighting usually involves psychological invalidation — “the act of rejecting, dismissing, or minimizing someone else’s thoughts and feelings,” according to Jenny Chang, founder of mental well-being website The Lilac Road.
